Friday, 8 January 2010

Ramblings of a stressed pre-reg

I’m just so stressed over dispensing now. I’m going through my dispensing accuracy assessment and only allowed to make minimal mistakes.

Let me just tell you: dispensing is just not easy. The standards they hold you to when checking through the dispensing is just too high. Forgetting to sign your name on the prescription? Minor error. Forgetting to put take in the morning? A major error. Reading the lousy handwriting wrongly? A minor error as well. But, what about the circumstances in which the mistake was made?? Nope.. no mention of that anywhere. That does not matter, what matters is you made the mistake.

Even though I put up a cheerful front, inside I feel like I’m at the breaking point. I just get so jumpy everyday when someone comes up and find me. The worst is when you come back from lunch or tea break, and they say, ooo.. I was looking for you!! And I can feel my heart sinking and all the cheer rushing out from me. It just bring such a shadow to the day that no matter what good had happened in the morning doesn’t matter anymore. Anything else you do after just seems like one mistake after another.

And let me tell you another thing. Trying to smile and be cheerful while you are at that breaking point is difficult. Trying to say, yes I’m all right when I clearly am not is difficult. But what would you gain if you gave voice to that unhappiness? Better to just block it out and not dwell on it.

But with nice colleagues who get disappointed on behalf of me, to try and cheer me up, to encourage me to try and try again, and to tell me jokes, it makes it slightly more bearable. And I suppose I will make it through somehow, even if I might need anti-depressants at the end of it.

It is just hard when I tend to excel and be good in what I do, that I will have to do this assessment over and over again. It’s de-motivating..

So I will do as I always do: confront each day with a happy mind, so I am able to take some blows along the way and not be low. Forget each day as the new day comes and start afresh.

5 comments:

YanLeng said...

don't be stress, it will only make it worse.tht's what i feel.
Wish u happy :D

cindy said...

It can't be worse than university exams....

~em~ said...

it is worst than university exams...

Ee Lin said...

i know how u feel even though it was a different situation. Be strong emily. You have came a long way to reach here.

~em~ said...

thanks lin.. :D