Saturday, 30 January 2010


I’m supposed to be either completing my first aid worksheet, preparing for Tuesday’s case presentation or writing up evidence right now, but decided to blog instead about the past few days.

Went for an interview in Liverpool on Thursday. I don’t know if I went to Liverpool with the mindset that I would not like Liverpool or it was first impressions that made the decision that I did not like Liverpool at all. No offense to the people who live in Liverpool and those who like Liverpool, but I didn’t like it at all. I felt that it was old and run down.

How was the hospital? I liked it. Outside it looked old and rundown, but inside, it was all cheery. Imagine a children’s ward… that’s what it was like in the hospital. All drawings and pictures. It spoke to the child within me. But unfortunately I didn’t get the job. My tutor and the chief said they can draw Winnie the Pooh on the walls. Maybe I should take them up on that.

Most everyone back in the pharmacy were glad that I didn’t get the job. They said they wanted me to stay. However, before getting my hopes up, there is always the chance that someone more experienced than me would apply for the job in Hereford. Will see how it goes then. So far they are pleased that I have sent in my application but I will still have to go through the interview, which will be scary even though I know them.

By the way, did I mention that I managed to pass my dispensing assessment? It was such a relief when I finished it. So I need to write it up as evidence now. I hate thinking of what to write…..

Friday, 8 January 2010

Ramblings of a stressed pre-reg

I’m just so stressed over dispensing now. I’m going through my dispensing accuracy assessment and only allowed to make minimal mistakes.

Let me just tell you: dispensing is just not easy. The standards they hold you to when checking through the dispensing is just too high. Forgetting to sign your name on the prescription? Minor error. Forgetting to put take in the morning? A major error. Reading the lousy handwriting wrongly? A minor error as well. But, what about the circumstances in which the mistake was made?? Nope.. no mention of that anywhere. That does not matter, what matters is you made the mistake.

Even though I put up a cheerful front, inside I feel like I’m at the breaking point. I just get so jumpy everyday when someone comes up and find me. The worst is when you come back from lunch or tea break, and they say, ooo.. I was looking for you!! And I can feel my heart sinking and all the cheer rushing out from me. It just bring such a shadow to the day that no matter what good had happened in the morning doesn’t matter anymore. Anything else you do after just seems like one mistake after another.

And let me tell you another thing. Trying to smile and be cheerful while you are at that breaking point is difficult. Trying to say, yes I’m all right when I clearly am not is difficult. But what would you gain if you gave voice to that unhappiness? Better to just block it out and not dwell on it.

But with nice colleagues who get disappointed on behalf of me, to try and cheer me up, to encourage me to try and try again, and to tell me jokes, it makes it slightly more bearable. And I suppose I will make it through somehow, even if I might need anti-depressants at the end of it.

It is just hard when I tend to excel and be good in what I do, that I will have to do this assessment over and over again. It’s de-motivating..

So I will do as I always do: confront each day with a happy mind, so I am able to take some blows along the way and not be low. Forget each day as the new day comes and start afresh.