The Horror!!

I just don't know when to stop do I? I have no idea what came over me and made me run for publicity officer of Nottingham Malaysian Society. Why do I want to make myself suffer and run for the post in the first place? I'm not even good at being sociable.

I just spent the last 5 hours at the NMS AGM. It was intensed and heated. Members debating on why the outgoing committee couldn't have done a better job and previous committee members giving them a hard time about it. I do not understand how a society which is supposed to be fun, managed to turn out like a multi-national company which has to answer to all their shareholders. Stress.. Especially when there is a foreigner who is so passionate about the society till the point that he is willing to drop anything to be a committee member.

Anyway, back to my crazy moment. I gave my speech, while shaking and with a trembling voice, and tried unsuccessfully to answer questions that were directed to me. In the end, majority voted to reopen nominations for that particular post.

I would like to say that I am very very very relieved that I did not get the post. I do not know what I would do if i had actually got it. I, who am not good at socialising, being a publicity officer? You got to be kidding me..

I think I better stop looking for posts to run for as I think two rejections are enough to convince me that maybe being a committee member is not for me.

Sometimes

Sometimes it's just tiring not to have someone to lean on.

Sometimes it's just overwhelming when you have to do everything on your own.

Sometimes, you can be lonely even when there are a lot of people around you.

How I wish that I am not here, but safe and sound at home, where I don't have to pretend I'm strong, where I don't have to show the world a brave front.

Sometimes I'm just tired... of being me..

But I shall hold on... I shall still go on being bold, hiding the scared person inside of me. I will overcome this challenge in life and I will make it through..

Because I'm me.

Fickle-minded people

I admit it.. i am fickle-minded. You can ask me one day if i'm going for something, i'll say no.. the next thing you know, you will see me there. Ask me lots of times and i would (most of the time) change my answer.

Well.. it's not only me. Probably most people make decision only to change them ever so often. I think our brains aren't capable of making firm decisions.

One thing i dislike is when faced with a decision. Especially a decision with millions of possible answers. For the life of me, i will never be satisfied with the decision i make. I will always end up regretting what i had decided in the beginning and wish i could turn back time and change my answer.

I guess i'm just fickle.. I'm entitled to be..

Someone just asked me whether i think i'm selfish.. I suppose i am sometimes. But depends on who the other person is. I treat people how they treat me. which is the other way round of what i should be doing. I should treat people how I want people to treat me. But sometimes you can't help but reciprocate in what people do to you.