Guess I've not blogged for a very long time. Just need to spill what I'm feeling these days.

Can't really think of who I can actually talk this through with. We've not been really talking to each other for months. Our gtalk messages consists of morning, are you still stressed?, lunch time, what are you doing?, home, and then mostly just no messages. Once in a while I throw a tantrum and I get a couple more messages then they just die down after a few days. I know he is busy and stressed... but how can someone not have a few minutes in 24 hours to spare?

I don't know what's going on. I don't know what to do. I guess I just have to stop hoping that I get a message each day. Some girls wish for flowers, jewellery or others... I just wish for a nice message each day... or an email..

Whatever.. I just have to stop being this way. Out of mind, out of sight?

one week over…

So ends my first week in Blackburn. How do I like it? It’s still too early to make a judgment. I felt better after posting that last post. Not too depressed now.. Just a bit bored sometimes. I’ve unpacked some of my things now. Had been reluctant before as I thought I would want to leave already and if unpacked will only need to re-pack.

Just have to get used to the new place….

Depressed….

I’ve left this blog unattended for a long time, having not completed my amsterdam saga. Since then, I have completed my pre-registration training, got myself registered as a pharmacist in UK, went back home for a month and started a new job.

It’s the last bit that makes me want to restart blogging again. So far, I don’t really like it. Don’t get me wrong, people are nice here. It’s just that I feel like an outsider, which is fair as I had just started (it’s only my 4th day today). Maybe with time I will fit in but so far it’s a bit difficult as I am still finding my way around and trying to figure out how they do things here.

I suppose they did expect me to start on Monday, but nobody else seemed to know much what I was supposed to do. A week of shadowing makes me feel a bit useless. After coming from a place where I could do everything, I come here and I know nothing….

Woke up this morning thinking that I might have fallen into depression. Could be due to homesickness and the unfamiliarity of it all. Can’t help thinking whether I made the right decision in choosing not to stay in a place I know and move to a completely unknown area.

I probably just need time to adjust… In the meantime, I am entitled to feel sorry for myself. Being alone in a place where I know nobody…. I guess this is how people become depressed….

Passion Sunday

Today is Passion Sunday.. or Palm Sunday if you like, the start of Holy Week. We had a joint procession, together with the Hereford Cathedral towards our respective churches (St Francis Xavier and Hereford Cathedral). There was a donkey called Peter, children all dressed up in costume, and the congregation from both Hereford Cathedral and St Francis Xavier.

The procession started off at the Hereford Bishop’s Palace, bidding farewell to our brother and sisters from Hereford Cathedral at the Cathedral entrance, and we continued on to the church.

I have a train to catch to Manchester… And in my silly moment had looked at the wrong ticket and thought the train was at 12.30 instead of at 2.50.. so I had to rush back from church and started frantically packing. Then I found out, after looking at the correct ticket, that I had about 2 hours to get ready.. ¬.¬ I had this feeling that my train was later than at noon but it did not click on me when I looked at the time on the ticket. Blonde moment of the day…

Interview

I’m supposed to be either completing my first aid worksheet, preparing for Tuesday’s case presentation or writing up evidence right now, but decided to blog instead about the past few days.

Went for an interview in Liverpool on Thursday. I don’t know if I went to Liverpool with the mindset that I would not like Liverpool or it was first impressions that made the decision that I did not like Liverpool at all. No offense to the people who live in Liverpool and those who like Liverpool, but I didn’t like it at all. I felt that it was old and run down.

How was the hospital? I liked it. Outside it looked old and rundown, but inside, it was all cheery. Imagine a children’s ward… that’s what it was like in the hospital. All drawings and pictures. It spoke to the child within me. But unfortunately I didn’t get the job. My tutor and the chief said they can draw Winnie the Pooh on the walls. Maybe I should take them up on that.

Most everyone back in the pharmacy were glad that I didn’t get the job. They said they wanted me to stay. However, before getting my hopes up, there is always the chance that someone more experienced than me would apply for the job in Hereford. Will see how it goes then. So far they are pleased that I have sent in my application but I will still have to go through the interview, which will be scary even though I know them.

By the way, did I mention that I managed to pass my dispensing assessment? It was such a relief when I finished it. So I need to write it up as evidence now. I hate thinking of what to write…..

The year 2009

It has been an exciting year. It started off with exams that marked the end of the 1st semester of 4th year, and into the 2nd semester of 4th year where we did research which was fun. I liked the electives that I chose and the knowledge that I have gained from those modules, I have been able to use them now.

Then came summer, where I went home. That marks the last summer holidays that I will ever have. No more long holidays after that. When else can you get 3 months of doing nothing now that we are working?

July brings in our graduation ceremony. 4 years of studying comes down to a day of celebration. I had my parents and Gaby with me, and also friends all around. What more can I ask for?

I moved from Nottingham, away for what was familiar, to Hereford. A small town in the middle of nowhere. Nobody knows where Hereford is. Absolutely nobody. And why did I come here? Because sadly they were the only hospital that gave me an offer. Do I regret it? No. I like it here. I like my colleagues, who are sometimes slightly crazy.

What don’t I like about Hereford? Is that it is in the middle of nowhere. It is just very difficult to travel out of Hereford. Fine, there is a direct train to Manchester. There is also a direct train to Cardiff. But no direct trains to anywhere my friends are hiding. They just hide too far away.

Getting my first pay was a good thing as well. Being able to spend money on things I want. But in it comes plenty of responsibilities as well. Bills to pay, money to save…. ohh… I don’t have enough money to spare.

So I’ve been busy working while the time is creeping. And then comes Christmas. I had a fun time with Ruth’s family. They are really great people. I liked the small family celebration that they had. And seeing her children, who are quite grown up, saying mummy mummy mummy all the time. Makes me miss my mummy and family.

Oh.. and a text message from an unknown person who wished me happy birthday and when I replied asking who he was, he said he was my brother, Steven. How did Santa know I wanted a brother for Christmas? (Anyway, found out he texted the wrong number, oh well…). Mummy.. can you find me an elder brother somewhere? Seems fun to have an elder brother…

Then comes the end of the year. Will be going to London. Hopefully to meet up with lots of friends and chat about nothing. Oooo.. I’m looking forward to that.

Many other things happen during this year but I cannot remember all to list it all down. All in all, I think it was a great year! May next year be as good as this year. Maybe another change in where I live? Maybe another country? We will just have to wait and see….

Happy New Year to all of you! May 2010 bring good days to all.

Saying the wrong things.

I was in the ward, talking to the patient asking if he takes regular medicines at home. Then I went back to the pharmacist.

Me: Alexxxxxxxx, this patient takes normal meds.

Alex looks at me and starts smirking.

Alex: What is normal meds… what’s abnormal meds…

Me: er.. I mean regular..

*****************************

In the dispensary, talking to Ann..

Ann: Well, what’s the worst that can happen then?

Me: Nothing. Just have to try again and again. Never mind, I always fall on my feet… er.. i meant land on my feet….

 

I just crack myself up sometimes…

Ward fun

While in the ward, we approached an old lady and had the following conversation:

Us: Good afternoon. We’re from the pharmacy department and we’re here to check your medicines.

Old lady: huh? Sandwich department???

______________________________________________________

Drug chart showed that doctor has prescribed a drug for OD (meaning once a day) but he circled 4 different times.

Pharmacist: Dr. Why did you do this?

Dr: I don’t know….

Me: –_-|||

______________________________________________________

Me talking to a old patient.

Me: Hi Mr X. Good afternoon. I’m from pharmacy and wondering if I could ask you a few questions.

Pt: Sorry!! You need to speak up!! I came here in a rush last night and forgot to bring my hearing aid and my teeth! (laughs)

So, not knowing how to react I nervously laugh with him as well.

Pt: Don’t laugh!! I can’t eat without my teeth.

Me (slightly louder): I’m sorry…… (oops)

______________________________________________________

And then you get sad cases such as this:

Old lady: Do i walk this way then?

Me: No Mrs Y. You need to sit by your bed.

Old lady: It’s getting dark soon and I want to be home before it gets dark.

Me: If you wait by your bed, a nurse will come and let you know when you will go home.

Old lady: My parents must be really worried about me. They probably don’t know where I am.

Me (after a pause): I’m sure they know where you are and won’t worry too much.

And then you think back and wonder whether you should’ve said what you said. And feel sad for the little old lady with dementia.

backdated posts

Sunday, August 09, 2009

For being the first weekend alone in Hereford, I am thankful that, even though I do not have friends near where I am, I have friends who will constantly reply my messages and friends who I know will be there when I have need of them. I am grateful for them for getting me through this first weekend, and as time passes, being alone will no longer be such a big issue as I cope with it slowly.

If I did not have friends who were constantly in touch with me throughout the weekend, I would not have come out of it in a good way. I suppose I would’ve been lying in bed crying my eyes out and dehydrating myself in the process. Because Val called and talked to me during the critical time on Saturday night and then texted me throughout the whole of Sunday, I feel that I can at least make it through without my family here and without friends nearby.

It is different now that we are all scattered throughout UK. No more going by just knocking on doors and popping by for a chat. In time probably I will make some friends here but I can foresee that it is a difficult task for me as I am not the most sociable of beings. It is one thing to get along with colleagues at work, and another to try and get along with them in personal life. We do not have much in common anyway. At least not from what I’ve discerned.

Everybody is very nice at work and I do look forward to the coming weeks to working in the hospital. I worry about whether I can actually apply anything that I’ve learned or if I even remember anything from my 4 years in university, but I’m sure I’ll be able to drag some stuff out from my brain where at least some useful information should reside.

It’s a bit hard to be without internet, without any contact to others and I keep wondering if I should use mobile broadband while waiting for the broadband to be set up. I suppose by keeping myself busy with work, I won’t have much time to worry about entertaining myself. I’ll just write down what I feel and then post them on my blog at a later time.

Time to sleep now and refresh myself for tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t get backaches and shoulder aches tomorrow.


Monday, August 10, 2009

The first day of a new week at work. Nothing memorable happened at work as I was and will be for this week, be learning the ropes in stores with the exception of Wednesday which is our regional study day and Friday which I am on leave.

I went to the post office at lunch time to post off my visa application and found out that I forgot my bank statement, so I had to rush back to get it and wander around trying to find the post office (and the shortest way to it). By the time I got everything done and ran back to the hospital, I was out of breath and sweating like it was extremely hot outside. Didn’t need my jacket either. Anyway, got that all done so hopefully in 6 weeks’ time I will get my passports back with the necessary visa. It’s scary sending off my passports leaving me with no identifications except photocopies.

Walked very slow back after work. Didn’t like the thought of coming back to an empty place. I’m so tired today even though I didn’t do much in stores. Wondering what to have for dinner now. Can’t wait for tomorrow where the library would be open then I can go online and post these.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009.

I'm in the library now. Quickly using my half an hour to check mail and chat a bit. I don't know what to write when I'm rushed for time so that's that for today. Going to Birmingham tomorrow for regional study day.

Moving

I’ll be moving houses again. This time it’ll be easier as my dad will be driving. No lugging around heavy bags and boxes.

Will post photos of my new place as soon as I can, as I’ll be away from the net for quite a while. Need time to set up my internet (at least 3 weeks). Hope I don’t die of boredom by then.

Will try to update more frequently after I’ve got the internet running since I’m back in the UK again.

Oh ya.. I’ve graduated by the way… :D

Leaving again soon

I'm leaving home again soon for a new chapter in my life.

No more being a student but going back for my first job as a pharmacist (ok... still a preregistration pharmacist, but a pharmacist nonetheless.) It's a scary thought, me being unleashed to practice what I have learnt and what I will continue to learn.

I want to go back to being a student... I don't even feel like I know enough..

Completed

I have just handed in the last assignment that I have done in my student life. And that marks the end of a chapter in my life. Would I go back in time to do it over? If I had the chance I surely would. Not to go back and live through all those horrible exams and assignments but to experience again university life.

Will be flying back to Kuching in a couple of days and these few days would be bittersweet. When I’m back here again, we would all be scattered around UK. No more going over next door for dinner or just banging into Puisan’s room to make fun of her. No more gossiping about who did what.

I suppose I’ll just have to wait and see what working life brings me, and how living alone would affect me (I kinda have a feeling it’s going to be tough sometimes). Make new friends… talk to more people… visit more places (which is easier now that everyone is scattered, so will have a place to stay – everyone please welcome me!).

Ok, so I read some news about people being quarantined after travelling to another country. Hopefully my plane is not that “lucky”.

OK… I have no idea what title to give this…

I’ve been missing from the blogosphere for a while again. Haven’t had the urge to write anything, except the times that I force myself to write my report on hydrogen sulphide and on oestrogen receptors. Two totally different topics that I’m having a bit of trouble differentiating sometimes.

So what have I been doing since my creative writing foray? Nothing except finding and reading journals, and trying my very best to fit them into my report so I’m not wasting my time reading them. I think I really need more experience in finding journals as I have difficulties in trying to figure out what keywords to use.

Will be making a trip down to London for the weekend. Hopefully do a bit of shopping and as a way to clear my mind as well, but most probably I’ll bring down more journals to read and write about my crosstalking receptors.

There’s 24 more days before I’m going back home (whoa.. that’s slightly over 3 weeks left). It’s a bittersweet thought. I can’t wait to go home, but on the other hand, the thought of the end of university life is a bit depressing. The next time I come back to UK, I’ll be going through graduation and moving to a new place ALONE. It’s the alone part that I’m terrified about, and also the working part. Problem is, I’ve not found a place to stay in Hereford yet. How?

Heights of Abraham

Considering the fact that I am not far away from the Peak District, today is the first time I’ve been there. We made a trip to Heights of Abraham at Matlock Bath. What was supposed to be a trip for 5 of us turned out to be a big group trip of 12, which wasn’t as bad as I feared it would be, although there were some weird stuff going on sometimes.

The weather wasn’t as good as it should’ve been, but it was all right. It alternated between drizzling, sun, and rain. Most of the rain fell during the earlier parts of our trip which is a good thing as afterwards we go to enjoy the scenery a bit more!

 

Because of the lousy weather while we were travelling up to Heights of Abraham by cable car, the photos I took of the outside from inside the cable car are all dotted with rain drops.

The following few photos are of the rocks in the cave which are lit up by different lights.. pretty….

Here’s a photo of Matlock Bath town centre. It’s a quiet place with not much people around. I wonder how this sleepy town survives.

Well, just going to end my post with some comments for the day. It was entirely enjoyable apart from some awkward moments when we didn’t know what to talk about and also some irritating moments.

We had dinner at Pretty Orchid which serves Malaysian and Thai cuisine. For some reason, they gave us the set menu, which consisted of yucky food. Verdict? The interior is bad, there’s a weird smell around and the food is not good. Will not go there anymore..

Labs, reports and dying computers.

It’s again long overdue for a post.

I’ve finished with my labs and it’s a bit sad that it has come to an end. Lab was lots of fun. Chatting and laughing with friends, doing research with expensive materials, and finding out unpredictable results. Been thinking over this week whether I want to pursue a career in pharmacology and do research, instead of working as a pharmacist. Pharmacology seems so much fun when you’re doing research.

Well, here comes the hard part of this semester – write-up. An e-abstract to do, a poster to defend and a 8000-word report to write. Not forgetting all the journals that need to be read in order to write part of the report. Need to start doing soon.

My computer nearly died today. I was trying to download a statistical program and got a malware instead. So I spent nearly the whole day trying to clear the infection. Seems to be doing ok now but hopefully it’s not a fluke and come back again tomorrow.

I need to go sports again. Need to move. But the ankle still seems a bit weak. Maybe will go swimming tomorrow. Maybe I won’t think so much if I go out more… hmm..

Will be going to Heights of Abraham in Peak District on Monday. Hope I’ll have fun.. :D

This is me...

Took this quiz just now.. and it's somehow accurate..

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

 

So, people who know me... is this me?

Twisted

I twisted my ankle while playing badminton today. One moment I was hitting the shuttlecock back and another moment I was lying on the floor. It's the same lousy ankle that I always manage to get twisted.

So, I've been hobbling up and down the house and strangely, it seems to hurt more when I'm resting it. More so than when I'm putting pressure on it. That's not to say that it doesn't hurt when I walk. So I've got to limp a bit to keep minimal pressure on it.

All in all, it was a good game of badminton though.. :D And a good game of squash before that.

Earning a bit of money

I went for an Economics experiment yesterday, studying how people make decisions. Every point that you earn will get converted cash which would be calculated and given out at the end of the experiment.

I don't feel like going into the details of the experiment, but the maddening thing was that people can be so selfish at times. How is it they profit from other people's investments while not investing anything at all.... made me not get a lot of money!!

Well, all in all, I managed to accrue 8.90 pounds.. enough for dinner last night, which wasn't a good dinner. The company was good.. but the food was below par..

Updates

I'm long overdue for a post. But I haven't been doing much, so haven't had much to write about.

Have been doing lab work for the past 3 weeks and I'm quite enjoying it most of the time. Maybe because I've been generating results quickly, compared to others. I'm just wondering how to do my write-up at the end of it all. Most people have been doing literature review while I have no idea which literature I should be reading.

Another thing that has been occupying my time are classes. These classes are making me sleepy most of the time. I just wish the module convener would give us the essay titles sooner than later, just so that the classes that I'm attending would actually have some function to it.

I've been going more often for sports as well. Swimming, squash, badminton... Feel like going swimming this week, but.. I accidentally cut my hand on yoghurt packaging so better to keep away from public waters just to avoid some unknown infection.

Ah, nothing much to write... Just another dry post..

Memory loss

Went through three excruciating exams and another to go. For some reason, all the revisions to be done for these exams seem to only consist of trying to memorise the key points and not a lot on understanding. I think I've used up all my worry for the other three papers that I don't seem to worry much for this coming paper. But how do we memorise 7 essays?

My memory is just horrible. I can never remember anything, especially not what I need for exams. The worst thing is, I think that I'm going in armed with what I need, and find myself stripped of all my weapons in an important battle. How am I supposed to do well in this exam if I cannot remember anything?

I just hope I can pass. Fingers crossed.